As I was driving home from the grocery store yesterday, Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” came on the radio. “You can’t beat a classic,” I thought, tired of the pop versions of holiday favorites that make the airwaves these days. And as I listened to the lyrics, I realized that I’m dreaming of more than just a white Christmas.
Chances are good that it will be a brown Christmas in Minnesota this year—a thought that doesn’t sit well with me—but I’ll take something else in return. How about a drama-free Christmas? Or a debt-free Christmas? Perhaps a Christmas in which people who feel sad find peace, those who are grieving feel comfort, and those who are fighting diseases turn the corner.
It’s not that I’m depressed these days. It’s just that as an adult, it’s impossible to avoid the darker side of the holidays. You can’t overlook the fact that for many people, this time of year falls short of magical. So yes, I’m dreaming of a white Christmas—but also a simple Christmas, just like the ones I used to know. I caught a glimpse of it in my daughter’s eyes this morning as we toured “A Day in the Life of an Elf,” an animated holiday display at the big Macy’s store downtown.
As we took in the elfin scenes, Linnea stood in quiet awe. The magic was tangible. These were the elves she had read about, the reindeer from the videos. And Santa Claus was just around the corner. My darling girl spoken nary a word, and as we led her toward Santa, she oscillated visibly between terror and glee. She was unable to verbalize the items atop her Christmas list—a toy car and something for baking cakes and cookies—but I could tell that she was happy.
My childhood memories of Christmas are simple. Trying to stay up all night to catch a glimpse of the jolly old elf. Singing in the church nativity program in a homemade angel costume. Perusing the shelves of the small-town Variety Store for the perfect gifts for my parents. Sledding down the monstrous hill at the college at alarming speeds. And the cookies. Ah, the cookies. Enjoying gingerbread men, chocolate-covered cherry cookies, and other family favorites, with no concept of nutrition.
I don’t think it’s possible to have a ___ (insert desirable quality here) Christmas, just like the ones I used to know, but in the absence of perfection, I can be more appreciative of the here and now. I can be thankful for the love, for the people, and for the imperfections. I can be thankful for the whole messy lot of it, challenging as some of it may be. And most of all, I can be thankful for the gift of two small children through which to live vicariously. It’s the perfect excuse to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas again.
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If you are struggling this season, I wish you peace, love, and comfort. If you are happy, I hope you’ll go above and beyond to spread the good cheer! If you don’t celebrate Christmas, then I wish you the happiest Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and/or Festivus.
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I Want to Know
Do you have vivid childhood memories of the holidays?
What kind of Christmas are you dreaming of this year?
Is it going to be a white Christmas where you are?
Well, you can’t have the magical Christmas of your childhood…you’re going to have to be happy making the magical Christmases of Linnea and Linus’ childhoods. But, what could possibly make anyone happier?
Vivid memories? Not many from my childhood. I remember one long Christmas Eve when I was something less than six and I tried to stay awake to see Santa, waking up on the floor by my bedroom door. That’s about it. More from your childhood, and I’m sure that’s how it is supposed to be.
Be sure to talk about this visit to Macy’s and Santa early and often in order to help a little girl remember things she might otherwise might not be ready to hang on to.
For folks that are struggling, I always say that I hope things go as well as they can. False optimism is as bad as inappropriate defeatism. I really hope things go as well as they can for all! I hate that people are in pain and would love to make everything alright.
Yeah, I am pretty happy creating the magical Christmases of Linus and Linnea.
Thanks for the reminder to talk to them about these early memories. That’s such a good idea!
Funny that you did the same thing we did (trying to stay up to see Santa). Maybe that’s universal?
Thanks, Em.
Of course you were one of the people I had in mind when I wrote this one.
Emma,
My most vivid memory of childhood Christmas is of sitting on the turn landing of our stairway that overlooked the living room and, thus, the Christmas tree, and taking off my glasses to gaze at the lights with myopic eyes. Their size and beauty doubled in blurriness, and nothing else seemed so magical. It was the one time I could be grateful that God made me near-sighted!
Merry Christmas!
I love the visual of this. It makes me want to squint at my Christmas tree right now.
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My most vivid memory of Christmas is waiting at the top of the stairs for my parents to get up so we could open presents. Not very original, but true.
I always feel a bit gloomy after it is all said and done on Christmas morning, I am hoping Christmas with some excited kids will change that.
Merry Christmas!
I don’t have Christmas memories as such, more memories of my dad scorning the poor schnooks lugging home their packages on the subway. My first Christmas was 1975 when I was the new Sandberg bride and Don and Betty showered me with gifts. What a let down the next year was! I only got one thing instead of a mountain.
I enjoyed my kids’ Christmases but was usually stressed by money and the thought I wasn’t doing it ‘right’. I loved playing cards and games with the family. My first month here in the condo saw me still decorating. This year, Christmas doesn’t seem to have a lot to do with me. Laurel is in California, Eri and John will come over for latkes on Christmas Eve and Sunday, Christmas day will become for me just one day like another. Sort of full circle. I don’t mind, but it does seem odd to be alone after all the years and all the fun.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your family Emma! When I think back on Christmases from being little they all were so magical, and my parents were just starting out–they were so young, building a business and a life–so it was never about money, but just special things we did as a family. I feel so lucky for that!
Happy Christmas Emma!
xo Mary Jo