Growing up, I was a natural blonde, but once I hit puberty, my hair was what people call “mouse brown” or “dishwater blonde.” Really appealing, right? So I did what many former blondes do—I started hoping that somehow, magically, my hair would revert to its once flaxen state. I soon discovered that I might have to coax it along.
It all started innocently enough. Lemon juice led to an at-home “frosting” kit, and before I knew it, I was shelling out the big bucks for foil highlights at the salon. This continued for roughly fifteen years, and during that time, I probably spent a good seven or eight thousand dollars on hair color. Hair color! Keep in mind that I’ve been driving a totaled car for the past five years.
I tried to keep things as low-maintenance as possible by going for a relatively natural look and requesting that the stylist do only a “partial,” but I’m pretty sure that there is a conspiracy to keep people like me coming back as often as possible. On numerous occasions, stylists gave me a full head of highlights for the price of a partial. This seemingly generous gesture led to nasty-looking roots more quickly, which of course led me back to the salon more quickly as well. Ca-ching!
For the past couple years, I’ve contemplated how I might successfully wean myself from my golden-hair addiction. It was partially about the money and partially about the chemicals, but mostly, it was about my identity. It bothered me that I couldn’t imagine feeling attractive without blonde hair. Was it about blondes having more fun? Or was I simply clinging to my youth? Last winter, I decided to find out.
I made the rebellious act of paying to darken my hair to what I thought was my natural color. It’s been almost a year since I ditched the blonde, and the strangest thing has happened. I actually like the light-brown hue of my hair. I don’t feel any less fun, nor less youthful, and the next time a stylist says, “What do you say we brighten things up a bit?” I will politely decline.
Someday, I may dabble in hair color again—and more power to you if coloring yours makes you happy—but for now, I am glad to know that I don’t need to be blonde to feel good about myself. Brown hair is beautiful, too, and so is whatever color grows from your sweet little head.
*****
You can see my naturally brown hair in my new headshot, which was taken by Sarah Morreim during our recent family photo session.
I Want to Know
What are your thoughts on hair color?
Visit me at my other blog, Divorced Before 30, where I’m taking guest-post submissions. Find me on twitter @emmasota. And, if you haven’t already, please visit emmasota on Facebook and click “Like!”
You also have to take in to account a persons residual self image. When I close my eyes and when I sleep I have long auburn/red hair. I’m a light brown/short haired person right now. When my hair is red I feel more like myself. However after a couple years of dying it my hair is damaged (plus I’m ready for a change). I find myself in the vicious cycle of having long red hair, cutting it off and letting it go natural. Until it gets about chin length and I then start dying it again.
For years I’ve been doing this, all because of this odd idea of what I think I actually look like. I also feel, while we’re on the subject of residual self image, that I’m two or three inches taller and about twenty pounds lighter.
I wasn’t familiar w/ the term “residual self-image,” but this is really interesting.
Your hair coloring/growing cycle isn’t “vicious” if it makes you happy! It sounds like you like the variety. I think your short hair looks cute right now!
This is the Wiki link for residual self image: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-image#Residual_self-image And then this is the Matrix Wiki (Yes, the movie, it’s where I got the term) link: http://matrix.wikia.com/wiki/Residual_self_image
And I guess what I mean by “vicious cycle” is that it just seems to keep happening – I can’t be happy with one state of being for my physical self. It’s not really vicious – more so persistent.
Thanks for the links! Interesting!
Amen Emma! I stopped dying my hair about 2-3 years ago and I love it! I couldn’t love my brown hair more! I have thought about dying it lately and then figured why waste my money! Although I do need fresh haircut ideas!
I really like your natural hair color. You have beautiful hair, period! I’m with you on needing fresh haircut ideas. I sometimes think about chopping mine all off. We’ll see if I get up the nerve!
It’s interesting. Hair is such an important part of who we are, isn’t it? There are so many religions that have taboos and traditions surrounding hair, if you think about it. And we always want what we don’t have. Whether it’s more of it for men (and also quite an identity crisis for them, too, when it initially starts going), or straight as a stick hair for those of us who are curly. For me, I love being a blonde, even though I’m no longer a natural blonde as well. Something about dying my hair just gives me an instant lift, and I feel better about everything. There’s no trying on, like with clothes. And the luxury of the time it takes to get your hair done…washed, head massage, zoning out, indulging in trashy magazines, is so, so worth every last dime to me. I have come to terms with my “real” hair in that I now really like my curly hair – it’s part of me and my personality, and there’s no sense in trying to fight it. I have doing my curly hair down to a science after decades of perfecting the technique, although I’m constantly in search for good curly-hair products. And I’m hoping Sylvie can quickly grow to love her insanely curly hair, too. Have you seen the Sesame Street video, “I love my hair?” You should check it out – a great message, especially for black girls and women, whose struggles with identity and hair are also well documented.
As an old hippie, I used to Henna my hair. What a mess, green mud on my head for almost an hour. Then I succumbed to “Natural Instincts”. Now I am in full fledged, every couple months, do it myself, permanent color. Sometimes brown, sometimes burgundy, right now it is part gray roots and Cherry Truffle. Maybe after I cut my hair again I will let it go gray. Not sure.
The old lady was a platinum blonde, like Jayne Mansfield or Marilyn Monroe, when she met my father. It took a bunch of upkeep which she did herself. As she aged she went a bit darker, and at some point my dad wanted that weird strawberry blonde. This past year he asked her to go platinum again and she said to me that it would be the last time I had to dye her hair. He hated it because it was almost her natural silver. She is loving it. Can you imagine dying your hair for 60 years? Not me.
I think your lovely light brown hair is pretty, as is the woman who wears it. Your cousin Laurel has some lovely brown hair too. No more generic blondes for my daughters and niece! Dark hair rocks.
I think your hair looks very fun right now! I didn’t realize that your mom is letting hers go silver. I didn’t even notice! That is so cool that she is loving it!
Auntie Sutra, you may take courage from my blog post today. Just hit my name and it should pop up! I’m a bit of an old hippie myself.
Suta. Pardon my slip!
I love my brown hair. After I had the kids my hair got darker. And grayer. I cannot accept my gray hair. I will not do it. Alas, I don’t do highlights, I do all over color. And I love the dark brown. So instead of loving my natural brown, I love my not-natural brown. *sigh*
I’ve had this same conversation w/ other friends who have grays. I do not think you should feel bad about covering them if that makes you happy! To be clear: I don’t think anyone should feel bad about coloring their hair. In my case, it was making me strangely unhappy!
I knew you weren’t saying that dying my hair was bad. I enjoy it very much. Just not paying for it necessarily…
Emma, I love this post! Especially the last line about whatever grows from your sweet little head. I’m so glad you found my blog post about my newly-grey hair and left a comment there. We obviously are thinking along the same lines. I didn’t mention cost in my post, but since you did, I’ll tell you that I got my last two haircuts here in Brooklyn from a Russian-speaking woman barber I loved from the beginning. She charges $15. I give her $20. The difference between my most expensive hair cut and this barber’s fees is about $100. Like you, I’ll save $500-1,000 this year.
And the idea of residual self-image. Fascinating. Let’s keep in touch. We have much in common.
Thanks for visiting, Shirley! I stumbled on your blog a while back and couldn’t resist commenting today.
That is fantastic that you found such a great and affordable stylist. I am jealous!
I have dark brown almost black hair and I have always liked my color. (I dyed it in college for fun for about 6 weeks, dark red.) However, in my early 20′s when I went to get my hair cut at a more upscale salon, I kept hearing “Your hair is dull. You should get some highlight.” I would even say “I like my hair color,” and they would still push the highlights. I wouldn’t go back to those stylists but is started questioning my hair color. I know they are trying to sell a product and make money but it was a hit to my self esteem especially after I say I like my hair color…..Now I’m not going to dye my hair anytime soon but I am starting to get a few grey hairs. At some point, I’ll probably start dying it to cover up the grey. I just have to figure out where that point is.
You totally shouldn’t take a hit to the old self-esteem in a salon of all places, right? But I think your experience is probably pretty common.
I agree I shouldn’t take a hit but that doesn’t mean I didn’t….
Sorry, JB. I don’t think my comment came across the way I intended. I meant it to be supportive–like nobody should HAVE to take a hit to the self-esteem (shame on any stylist that makes someone feel that way).
When we were in Edinburgh, I had the two big chunks of the hair that framed my face completely bleached out and dyed a fire engine red. It probably should have been a bigger deal to me, but it wasn’t. You, on the other hand, gave yourself very subtle blonde highlights after debating it for I don’t know how long. I have this very vivid memory of you pointing to the top of your head afterwards and saying through clenched teeth, “there’s a DOT!” Upon closer inspection, I did see a sesame seed sized spot of slightly lighter blonde on an otherwise darker strand of hair–a small splatter of dye. You were so pissed! So I’m very happy to hear that you’ve since taken some bold steps with good results.
And speaking of grays, I found my first gray earlier this year. But “gray” is not accurate. On a head of thick Asian hair, a gray looks like white rope against a tablet of jet. I pulled it because I was so freaked out. My stylist found another on the back of my head over the summer. I haven’t pulled that one because I can’t see or find it. Maybe it fell out during this epic postpartum shed. Maybe by the time I find a third, I will be ready for it… either with acceptance or a bottle of dye. Not sure which it will be yet.
You have a much better memory than I do! I remember your red chunks (very cool). I totally don’t remember my highlight dot problem (though I can definitely picture myself saying that through clenched teeth!). Ha!
Yes, I imagine that your grays will announce their presence quite boldly. You have beautiful hair, so I’m sure it will look great whether or not you choose to dye it.