How do I manage to have a marriage, two kids, and a full-time job while also maintaining a fitness routine and working on two blogs and a book? It’s simple. I’m really upright much of the time. I’m a stickler for routines, guidelines, and goals, and the only reason that I’m able to keep this nuthouse in business is that I almost never step away from what I’m supposed to do. I’m supposed to run on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays. I’m supposed to blog on Sundays. If I want to lose the rest of the baby weight, I’m supposed to avoid consuming milkshakes that contain the recommended daily allowance of fat.
That said, life is pretty damn boring if you always do what you’re supposed to do, and I sometimes feel like giving my inner drill sergeant a break. I don’t always feel like running, writing, or making healthy choices. Ninety-some percent of the time, I do it anyway, but sometimes, I manage to defy my own rigidity. I take a half an hour to read a magazine even though the brown rug under my feet is caked with sick amounts of white dog hair. I order myself some lovely Aveda products even though money is tight.
I imagine that we all have these feelings—these desires to break free from “supposed to.” And that’s good, right? We should indulge ourselves at times. But where do we draw the line? How much rebellion from the routines, guidelines, and goals is okay before we suddenly lack anything resembling self-discipline? Before we no longer feel good about ourselves? I want to be the kind of woman who asks a lot out of life, who sets lofty goals and makes sacrifices to reach them. But I also want to be the kind of woman who breaks her own rules once in a while and—this is important—actually breathes deeply enough to enjoy it.
I don’t have any clear answers. This balance thing is a real art form, no? I think I’ve got the self-discipline thing down; it’s the rule-breaking thing that I need to work on. To quote the delightfully irresponsible Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Is this post a thinly veiled mini-festo meant to rationalize my break from blogging this weekend and my intense (but yet to be indulged) desire for a pumpkin milkshake? You better believe it.
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I Want to Know
Do you forget to stop and look around once in a while?
Have you ever called in sick and taken a Ferris Bueller day? (When I lived in D.C., I once drove to New York for the day with a friend who was in town.)
Do you tend to be too uptight, or do you break your own rules too often? Or maybe you think you’ve found a good balance?
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Wonderful post, Em!
Also quite topical for me at the moment. I have always felt this tension between what I am “supposed” to do and what I want to do. I have to discern between lack of discipline (i.e. laziness) and my gut telling me something is no longer the right thing to do. If that makes any sense. For example, right now, I am “supposed” to be writing my thesis. I AM writing, certainly, but not my thesis. I am struggling between simply calling it quits and writing a book/working at a coffee shop and this enormous guilt about having a J.D. and nearly an M.A. and not finding either of those career paths particularly fulfilling.
I have been struck today by all the posts–Facebook, e.g.–about Steve Jobs. Particularly those containing quotes from speeches he made. The central tenet? Lead YOUR life and follow your dream. And I personally like to add, dream big. I have to believe that I can still be a responsible adult and follow my big dream.
Keep writing… I love your voice.
Andrea
Thanks, A! I was struck by all of the Steve Jobs quotes today too.
It’s YOUR life to to live/lead, but do consider writing your thesis and then writing a book (I know you’ve got an amazing one in you) and working at a coffee shop. Not because you’re “supposed to,” but because even if you don’t “use” your degree (whatever that means–I’ve got one I’m not using), you’ve worked so hard to earn it. And you’ve done so during a really tough period in your life. But I guess you shouldn’t do it if it’s only going to make you miserable, either. Is it too late to change topics? Okay, that’s all of the unsolicited advice I’m going to throw your way. I know that you’ll write the hell out of that thesis if you decide to. If not, go write the hell out of your book.
I have always been more Type A in my life, but adding a toddler into our family mix (mom, dad, 16 year old son) has forced me to let go and loosen up. Things don’t always get done around my house anymore and sometimes I wonder if we have more horizontal surfaces covered with stacks of items in transition to their homes, than we have open horizontal surfaces. But you know what, I feel so much less stressed out and find myself making more time for things that matter. I feel pathetic when I think about how little time I have spent upkeeping my yard (back in the day, definitely the eye catcher on our block), but today, when I went out to gather water from one of our rain barrels and watered a few key plants, while my toddler filled her own little buckets, it felt more like I was spending time with her and less like crossing something off my ‘to do’ list. And you know what, it felt ok! The world did not come crashing down around me! The neighborhood yard beautification police did not come to arrest me!
I am slowly making peace with becoming less task oriented and more people focused. I did read another good blog post recently from Simple Mom blogger Tsh Oxenreider that also discusses finding balance
http://simplemom.net/understanding-your-personality-balancing-tasks-and-people/.
I think all of us mom’s are looking for some balance and however we can support each other in this life transition, we should do it. Let’s keep the conversation going.
Ooops, wrong props- post was actually by guest poster Mandi Ehman of Life… Your Way, on Tsh Oxenreider’s blog.
I really like Mandi’s guest post. She provides great tips for people who are more task-oriented or people-oriented. And I hadn’t seen the Simple Mom blog before, but I just added it to my Reader. Thanks!
Thanks, Tina! This is exactly what I struggle with. I love your rain barrel example. Tonight, I did spend a few minutes finishing up this post while my daughter ate her dinner, but then I spent the rest of the evening having a living room dance party with her and taking a bath together. It’s so good to slow down and connect. I figured out the bath tub thing during my pregnancy. Once I got in there, I could no longer multi-task. I simply had to relax and allow a two-year-old to dump warm water on my head repeatedly.
YES! I think it does mean a little mini-break from the routine this weekend. And I have felt the same way…healthy IS boring sometimes and sometimes you do need a little mini indulgence along the way to realize that yea, it’s boring, but it works, right?? Enjoy the balance-ful weekend!
So true. Boring often works!
This post speaks to me. I am in the uber busy camp as well. I stay pretty driven but I do let myself slack off a bit here and there. I find that if I don’t, I quit wanting to do all of those things on my list.
Yes, I think you may be even busier than I am! I am super impressed that you’ve managed to do some international travel with two young kids!
I think for the first time in as long as I can remember, I’m stopping to look around. I’ve never needed to call in sick, I just take a vacation day if time permits at work. I used to be a lot more uptight and have only recently let my hair down and enjoyed life. I enjoy traveling for work. I enjoy going out with friends. I enjoy being with my family. I used to really only stay at home and now I’m finally finding joy in other things. So this is my new balance. Some time the balance can change!
That is awesome, Melissa! You seem really happy right now. Keep doing whatever you’re doing!