Let me explain how I managed to have so many embarrassing moments in the span of just a few days. But first—your guesses (poor participation levels, people, but there were some good ones nonetheless).
For Embarrassing Moment A, Nancy from Blissed-Out Grandma guessed, “A friend held a lingerie party in a small-town bar? Or you were helping out a poor young woman who was selling everything in her suitcase to get bus fare out of town.” Ha! I especially like the fare idea. Pete (my dear dad) suggested this Charlie Daniels song as the soundtrack.
What really happened?
Recently, I went with the kids and my mom to visit my grandma in small-town Northern Minnesota. During the trip, I got a message that my sister-in-law wanted us to pick up something special for her. No problem, right? But what she wanted was a pair of thong underwear from the local muni. “What?!” I thought, “The muni sells lingerie?”
The panties were to be a gift for a special bachelorette—quite appropriate since the gift-giver and the recipient have a fun, some might say wild, history in said small town. I might have been involved in some of those summertime antics myself, back in the day.
So, in broad daylight on a weekday afternoon, I opened the door to a boxy building on the main drag marked “LIQUOR” while my mother and children waited in the car. Seasoned locals sat at the bar, watching sports in the dark and nursing your basic shit beer. Immediately, my eyes were drawn to the merchandise hanging above the bar.
With a shy smile, I asked the well-inked woman behind the counter for a black thong. “For a bachelorette,” I assured her. She nodded as she passed me a pair of hot-pink-lettered panties. In addition to the name of the muni, they read, “Come for one, stay for the fun.” What’s not to love about that?
For Embarrassing Moment B, Nancy guessed, “A gust of wind caught your skirt? Or you’ve lost weight and your pants fell down.” Close. Here’s what really happened.
One sunny evening, I set out with both dogs to walk our favorite loop. I was enjoying the scenery, though the dogs made things a bit less relaxing with their tendency to overreact to basically every stimulus. People on skates, rabbits—you name it. As a large dreadlocked man jogged slowly past us from behind, I gave him a look that said, “Sorry, dude. My dogs are crazy.”
We crossed a major intersection at the height of rush hour, and at the next corner, an elderly woman started yelling at me from her car window. I held up my poop bag and shook it as if to say, “See, Lady? I’m picking it up!” She looked concerned, and as I walked a few steps closer to her car, I could hear her more clearly. She wasn’t yelling about poop.
“Miss! Miss! Your skirt is tucked into your underwear in the back!” I looked over my shoulder to assess the damage, and sure enough—my gray cotton skirt was tucked all the way into the waistband of my yellow polka-dot bikini underpants, which were itsy-bitsier and teeny-weenier than I would have liked at that moment. Oh, well. I’d only walked A MILE like that.
To be continued…
There’s still time to guess on C and D
Oh Emma. I’d be so embarrassed! You’re such a good spirit.
I came home and immediately told Josh. I WAS embarrassed, but why not get a good laugh out of it, right?
Oh man, that is embarrassing!!! I’ve had that happen and you just thank the person who has the guts to tell you so you don’t keep showing your undies!
Yeah, I was VERY grateful to the woman, and I told her so! I love people who will tell you if you have something in your teeth or whatever.
Emma! OMG I cringe thinking about it. Glad you can laugh (I think?) about it now, we’ve all been there – but perhaps not for an entire mile!!!
Yeah, I was laughing about it almost right away, but dang that jogger! He could have told me BEFORE I got to the major intersection!!
This didn’t happen to me, but to one of my sisters. She was a senior in high school and was going to State Speech in Casper, Wy. After riding a bus for 3 hours to get to Casper College everyone was anxious to get off and get settled before the first speeches. Maggie was in fine form and pretty confident that she was hot stuff. Swaggering as only a high schooler can do while on a college campus, she was walking between two of the nicest guys in high school. Lee kept trying to get her attention, while Steve kept trying to interrupt her stammering…”Mag—Maggie…lo—oook attt your skkkirt.”
While riding the bus, her skirt had hiked it’s way up and was closely hugging her waist.
Oh no! I also feel bad for the nice guys in that situation!
Can’t pass up sharing another embarrassing story of my sister, Maggie.
Back in the early ’80′s our dad had one of the first quad bi-pass heart surgeries in Denver. Maggie was a secretary for Husky Oil in Cody, WY. She was sitting in the conference room with many of the big-wigs of the company. Her boss asked her how dad was and exactly what kind of surgery he had had. Once again her confidence exceeded her knowledge. She shared with all the men how the doctors did bi-pass operation. She explained to them how the chest cavity was opened. Then she told them that the doctors had to cut her dad’s scrotum open. The men gasped and asked, “They cut open WHAT!?!” She smiled and said, “Oh you know, that’s how you get to a man’s heart!” One of the men kindly took her aside and explained that she must have meant sternum NOT scrotum.
That is HILARIOUS, Patty! Poor Maggie. I love the name Maggie, by the way!