My busy life has been stripped down to the essentials; it’s back to the basics for Team Wilhelm. With little to no regard for clocks, our collective lives are now about sustenance, smiles, and, God willing, sleep. Our boy is a sleeper, to be sure, but he has a ways to go in terms of arranging his periods of slumber into a mutually agreeable timetable.
Just a short ways into this family-of-four adventure, I am feeling a range of emotions. Naturally, I am smitten with the baby. That’s easy, right? Baby Linus is ten days old now, and it’s true that, as promised, it already seems like he’s been here all along. He has an eager, expectant look on his face—googly eyes constantly scoping for potential sources of milk—and I am defenseless to his coos and cries alike.
But I am also feeling impatient with the defiant antics of a two year old who is struggling to understand how her world has changed. I strive to be the rock that Linnea needs, but I can only take so much right now, and thankfully, she is starting to see how her actions affect other people. She regularly looks up at me with wide blue eyes and asks, “Are you happy, Mommy?”
In the haze of late nights, messes, and feeding on demand, it feels as though Josh and I are merely coexisting. It’s “Can you hold the baby while I take a shower?” or “Do you mind if I run some errands?” Dips in marital verve always concern me, but he is quick to assure me that it’s okay sometimes. Maybe normal? So I focus on parenting with him—my love, Daddy to these precious kids—and remind myself that there will be more energy, more patience, and soon, a renewed connection.
In the meantime, I am taking mental note of the simple moments that define this period in our lives. Things like napping with both kids late into the afternoon. Watching my tall man hold my wee girl’s hand as we scurry to the park. Snuggling up on the couch with a soft baby and a cold beer on a rainy summer evening.
This is a period of extremes. Balance is not the name of this game. Like other crunch times in life—meeting a deadline, preparing for a move, or studying for final exams—this requires major energy reallocation. The familiar hum of life is disrupted, and though it challenges me, I welcome it.
*****
I Want to Know
How do you handle crunch times in life?
Are you a routine person, or someone who relishes the extremes?
First off — congratulations!!!! I don’t think I commented on your last post but sure meant to! Love love love the name, welcome, little Linus!!!
Secondly, you are just right in the thick of it right now, and existing/surviving/going with what happens minute to minute is really all you can do. My expectations were pretty much to nurse, eat and & hold babies, and if something else happened, that was a big bonus! We were in that mode for QUITE awhile (like way more than a month or two, ha) but with one baby I bet you’ll settle into a bit more of a routine faster. My girls were notorious for partying from about 11pm-5am for the first month or so, which made my days so bleary!!!
I also found I had a lot less time and patience for my oldest, and started expecting a lot from her due to her relative age/capabilities. Some of which is good — she really learned to be independent and self-sufficient with some things, in ways that were helpful and empowering to her. But, I also felt like we grew apart/lost some connection, which I wish hadn’t happened (but may have been inevitable with infant twins, I don’t know). Just making time for short connection, fun & cuddle times with the “big kid” throughout the day helps tons. I totally remember the “Are you happy?” thing — she did that with me a lot, too!
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Thanks, Kristin! I don’t know how you did it with twins. I can not imagine nursing two at once!
I like the expectations that you set w/ young babies (eat, nurse, hold babies). That’s about right! Linus is up a lot during the night, and I’ve started to read a lot while nursing. I may just burn through my to-read list this summer!
I think it is just a different form of equally strong connection. Right now you just connect at Linus and Linnea – equally wonderful but different. Regarding balance, when it looks imbalanced you are too close to the problem (IMO). There is daily/weekly balance but also lifetime balance. You can be way out of whack with one and right on with the other.
Yes! Thankfully, I believe that my lifetime balance is just about right.
I am having a hard time trying to figure out how to handle my work life right now and to me that is a crunch time. When it comes to life in general I always think that things could be worse(I could have no home, job, etc.)and I try my best to remind myself that it can only get better if I attempt to make it that way. I am still stumped about the work life crunch time right now and hope that it makes a turn for the better. I tend to be a person of routine but also welcome any chaos that may come my way.
I’m very excited for you, Josh, Linnie Lou, and Linus! I can’t wait to spend more time with your beautiful family
Oh boy. The first year or two in an office job can be so hard on a person! Going from being a student to having a full-time, 9 to 5 (or more) job is rarely an easy transition. I hope that you can find a way to make it work for you! Exercising at noon has always helped me a ton!
I think that I tend to be a routine person. I can dwell in extremes though too. The extremes happen and you need to be prepared to deal with them. Life is harder when you are not prepared. Everyone can live through extremes, prepared or not, but life is a little easier when prepared. I have lived through life being prepared and not. Sometimes unprepared is unavoidable but still livable.
Congrats Emma and Josh!
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Luckily, when it comes to having a baby, you have time to prepare! Although I’m not sure that anyone is ever truly READY!
Wow, that is so true…it is a time of extremes, not balance. But you are strong, both of you together, as parents and as a couple and can get through this.I have faith in you!! For me, crunch time is tough because I AM a person of routine so when I don’t have balance in that, it freaks me out. But soon, I adjust and it becomes my new normal. This is your new normal for right now, and with each day, it’ll get a little easier.
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Thanks for the words of encouragement! Thankfully, my new normal includes enough love to make up for the sleeplessness and crabbiness!
I like routine with some crunch times to spice things up. What I don’t like is when crunch time lasts a month at work and then I get burnt out! My main coworker at work left a month ago and now I’m training in the new guy. Hopefully things will return to balance again soon! I get really frustrated when work cuts into my family time at home.
I totally agree about crunch times spicing things up. I think that’s why I tend to set goals for myself when life gets a little too easy! I hope that your work situation gets better soon! I don’t blame you for being frustrated if your family time is being affected. I am lucky that is rarely an issue for me!
I came across this quote from Maharaji and it seemed to put some perspective on whether we should strive for some imaginary ideal of balance.
“Every moment in our lives is the most precious, because it is the moment we have. Wisdom is not realizing the preciousness of something when it is gone. Wisdom is recognizing the preciousness of what we have.”
- Prem Rawat (Maharaji)
To me, that means going with what this moment brings, not worrying whether it is what should be happening. I rejoice in your taking naps with your babies. I rejoice in your taking life moment to moment. All our well laid plans come to nothing when our babies need us. That is the balance, doing what is in front of us at this very moment. Living this minute, this precious breath. I know it is human nature to want to control all situations, but I also know that surrendering to the rhythm of life can be of great assistance to our well-being.
I love you and Josh, Linus, and Linnea.
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Right on! I am definitely “surrendering to the rhythm of life” today.
I just deal with the extremes as they come, when they happened I relished in them and enjoyed them as much as I could.
In these 2 years after graduating college, life has become a routine, living alone and being single these days, I call it boring at times, because it is, so when an extreme does happen, I take it on full force, but that is a once in a blue moon occurance.
With my luck a gianormous extreme will happen that I won’t know how to handle now that I’ve voiced what I think of the lack of them.
My question for you, if you have more children are you going to keep the L names or is it just a coincidence?
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I am sure that whatever extremes come your way, you will find a way to handle them!
To answer your question: We had picked out Linnea and Linus during my first pregnancy (Linnea would’ve been Linus had she been a boy). We weren’t intentionally going for L names; that’s just what happened. If we have more kids, I don’t think we’ll do another L name, but who knows?
summed up beautifully. as usual. i can SO relate to everything you’ve written here. i have no answers. only similar feelings. we take each day as it comes and try to celebrate the small victories. here’s hoping you guys had a lovely father’s day!! with a few hours of sleep in a row!!
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