Calm down, now—this post is not about that kind of excitement!
It’s no secret that my husband and I have quite a few differences in personality, and this often makes for amusing conversations. For one, the man seems incapable of getting excited about something before it’s right in front of his face. This has been consistent across the span of our 4.5 year relationship.
I really struggled with this leading up to our wedding and the birth of our daughter. I’d come into a room, bouncing with excitement about something, hoping for a partner in giddiness. What I usually got was what I perceived to be ambivalence. One time, he actually said to me, “Honey, I’m trying to watch this Bill Clinton interview.” In protest, I sat next to him on the couch, topless, hoping that I was, indeed, capable of getting him more excited than old Bill (I was).
But many times during my first pregnancy, I’d say with exasperation, “Honey, aren’t you excited about the baby?”
“I’ll be excited when the baby gets here,” he’d say, “but I just don’t anticipate things the way that you do.
Very Zen of him, no? Live in the moment and all that shit. I used to interpret it as unfeeling and or inattentive—like, “Hello? Are you paying attention? There’s a wiggly infant in my belly! How can you not find this a-maz-ing?”
It’s taken me a long time to realize that it’s not just “my” stuff that fails to get him excited. He has several events and trips with his buddies each year—annual pilgrimages involving beer and/or golf. Doing things that he really loves with his very best of friends.
Guess what? He doesn’t get excited about those things either. Does this make me feel better? Absolutely. And I’ll keep on asking him the same old question: “Are you excited about _____?” The man is quiet, and if I don’t ask many, many questions, I miss out on a lot.
For instance, I just found out yesterday—only because I asked—that he’s been wanting another tattoo. What? I am such a sharer that he would certainly know if I’d been designing a tattoo in my mind for months. Hell, you’d probably know, too. I won’t give away his idea, but it’s part science geek, part tough guy. Clever and ironic—perfect for him.
“How come you’ve never mentioned the tattoo, honey?” I asked as we ate Chinese take-out with my parents.
“I don’t really talk about what I want,” he said.
My parents laughed.
“It’s true!” I said. “He doesn’t talk about what he wants. We have spreadsheets for that.”
And we do. We have a several shared Google documents that list out the many things we want. There’s the restaurants-to-visit list, the things-to-buy list (which includes everything from a rug for the kids’ room to a new car for me), and the potential-names-for-baby list. Occasionally, we have sessions that involve quantifying and analyzing our collective wants. Individually, we each know what we want, but we use Excel to decide what we’ll actually get.
“That’s a horrible way to choose a baby name,” my mom said. “I hate it! Neither one of you is going to get a name that you really love.”
Josh disclosed that he’s hoping that by some miracle, I’ll still see the light and fall in love with his #1 girl name. I have no hopes that he’ll come around to mine. Hell, maybe I should cave on the girl name just to see if I could get him to jump up and down or something.
All I ask is that when I pop out Baby #2 in a few more weeks, he’ll be excited. And he will be. For now, I’ll continue to marvel at baby kicks, fuss over tiny onesies, and count down the days with anticipation.
*****
I Want to Know
- Is this a male/female thing, or just a personality thing?
- Can you relate?
yes
Yes on all accounts? I’d be curious to hear from your wife.
I’d say it’s a personality thing. Maybe it’s a tall guy thing. Spencer doesn’t get excited about anything either. When they were going to Jeff’s bachelor party you’d think it was another day at the office. Maybe this is why they’ve been friends all these years…
Yes, Josh and Spencer definitely have a few things in common.
I don’t think its a male/female thing, because lets say for a example a new video game I want is coming, and I’ll preorder it months in advance on Amazon. Now I won’t be excited right after I preorder but as the release date gets closer and closer, I get more and more excited, especially if it is a month or less within the release date. Then it gets down to a week of release and I am uber anxious. Same is true of trips or events that are coming up. On a side note I’m a easily excitable person. Sometimes the excitement lasts, other times not.
I guess what I’m saying is its personality thing, though my personality is slightly, if not ridiculously, off the wall. It might come down to how outgoing you are, I’m very outgoing, though people do make me angry way too often, I still find myself very easily making conversations with strangers at social events, and because of my outgoing-ness I am get very excited about stuff.
But somethings, I should be excited for, I don’t get excited for, I don’t have an example off the top of my head but I know thats true. I blame it on my off the wall personality.
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I suspect you’re right that it has more to do with personality. In the past, I definitely dated some guys who were a lot more verbal, and they tended to share more about what they were excited about.
Wow, SO interesting (and of course I thought your title meant something else, hehe) about you and your husband. But I think you are absolutely right, men and women express themselves so much more differently. I never thought about it that way at all!
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Well, I guess I DID include the word “topless.”
I would say it’s a personality thing. It’s the opposite with us. My boyfriend gets excited about anything and everything lol and I’ve always thought it was annoying
It’s all relative, isn’t it? I’m not exactly a perky person–I don’t exude enthusiasm. A lot of the time, I’m sarcastic. I can definitely relate to being the annoyed one in this scenario, too!
Emma – I had to laugh because we had a spreadsheet for picking Alex’s name. It was really just a list in Excel, but a spreadsheet nonetheless – and we each got to cross a name off and “protect” a name with each turn. Neither of us got the name we really wanted – Alexander was a total compromise, basically the one other name we could agree on after deliberating in the hospital for 2 days. I could have pulled the “I just gave birth to him” card but I didn’t. So, I still feel a little “blah” about his name, but we all love the little guy to pieces and now I can’t imagine him having my first choice name. Best wishes!
Yes! This is exactly what we’re going through right now! I hadn’t thought of pulling the “I just gave birth card.” I probably won’t try that, but if it came to “You missed the birth” for whatever reason, that might be a different story.
I think it depends in our house. With our impending labor, I think Andy is beside himself for it to get started where as I am excited but just taking it moment by moment. If a package arrives and I know what is inside, I will leave it in the box until I need said object. Andy will rip it open the moment he walks in the door.
Am excited to hear your baby name!!
Ha! I definitely rip open packages immediately. I am excited to hear our baby name, too.