Jordan Holm doesn’t dwell on the question most people would obsess over if wrongly convicted: “Why me?” Anytime he feels down, he compares himself to people who have suffered worse injustices—some in the news, others in the Bible. “Why do we even bother to make sense of things?” he asked. “You just try to become better for it.”
He recognizes that he is not alone, that many people face struggles that seem unfair or inexplicably challenging. I was humbled that he brought up my divorce in the same breath as his prison sentence. His perspective on life and his capacity for empathy far surpass what seems reasonable for someone who lost seven years of his life behind bars, and it’s clear that his faith is profound. “Life isn’t always so black and white,” he said. “I have to have faith that God has a plan. I remind myself that things could be far worse.”
He’s not just walking away from what happened, though. Despite the fact that he has already served his time, he continues to appeal his conviction. With the help of a new attorney, he is submitting a post-conviction relief application to the district court in Iowa City. “Injustice is a very prevalent reality, and it’s very destructive,” he said. “It’s very painful. It should cause outrage.”
While Jordan’s character, faith, and talents are remarkable, there is still damage to overcome. Someday, he hopes to finish his college degree, but it certainly won’t be as easy without his scholarship. And, the social implications of his criminal record are real. “I’m horrified that anyone’s association with me would cause embarrassment,” he admitted. In the eight months since his release, he hasn’t dated yet, not because he hasn’t had opportunities.
In the past, he always got along well with girlfriends’ families. “Parents love me,” he said with a shy smile. And he loves spending time with them, too. In his new church, he’s met some nice people his age—including a few single women—and he has even been invited to some families’ homes for gatherings. He hasn’t felt comfortable sharing his story yet, and he’s not sure what to do about it. Clearly, there is no instruction manual for rejoining society.
Thankfully, many people in the wrestling community do know and are supportive. And Jordan feels a strong sense of duty to use his God-given athletic talent. “I don’t want to just set it on the shelf,” he said. Since winning his first tournament just days after his release, he has committed himself to seeing where he can go in the sport. In the last eight months, he’s competed in France, Bulgaria, Russia, the Czech Republic, and Finland. He was selected to represent the U.S. in a team duals tournament in Hungary this month, but due to an injured hamstring, he’ll serve as an alternate.
All of this international experience will surely serve him well as he gears up to take a shot at London 2012. “I want to represent the United States in the Olympics,” he said. He’s lost two very close matches to the athlete ranked #2 in the U.S., but he’s yet to meet #1 or #3 in competition. In a bizarre twist of fate, USA Wrestling recently announced that the 2012 U.S. Olympic Team Trials will be held in Iowa City.
I asked whether he’s afraid that making the Olympic team could lead to more publicity about his conviction, and he quickly shook his head. “I’m over it now,” he said. “My hope is that in telling my story, people will look into it themselves.” While he waits for the court to recognize his innocence, the court of public opinion matters a great deal to him. Still, he’s definitely not seeking out media attention. A documentary filmmaker recently approached him about his story, but to Jordan, the idea of chronicling his life at this stage seems strange.
“I’m just on Chapter 2,” he said. He explained that it feels like only the beginning. “Right,” I said, nodding, “And what’s the moral of the story? That’s what I want to know. Where’s your happy ending?”
*****
(This post concludes the series including “Was Justice Really Served?,” “Talking Truth with Jordan Holm,” and “Talking Truth with Jordan Holm, Part 2.”)
So, dear readers, what IS the moral of the story?
What WILL his happy ending be?
Do you have any thoughts you’d like to share with Jordan?
[...] Talking Truth with Jordan Holm, Part 3 [...]
Emma – Thanks so much for bringing Jordan’s story to us with your deft writing skills.
What I took away from this story, obviously colored by my own experiences, is that life is never perfect or fair. I do hope, for Jordan and for justice, that he receives justice and clears his name. I think his experience also shows we must always be careful not to rush to judgement in any situation.
If I had a message for Jordan, I’d say I simply admire his bravery. If I put myself in his shoes, I’m not sure I’d still have such a positive outlook on life and people in general. What a positive reflection this is on Jordan’s parents, family and friends.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Eric. So glad to have your readership! You are right on about the bravery thing. I fear that I would be far more jaded under similar circumstances!
Honestly, I would be so angry, and sometimes, I think anger can make people act in very productive ways. America’s Most Wanted and John Walsh come to mind. Clearly, Jordan is still just grappling with being free – his second chapter, as he said – and trying to live his life, using his talents to his best ability. But I have to wonder, if at some point down the road, he’ll want to make an impact for other people like him, who’ve been wrongfully convicted. The world of he-said, she-said in rape cases is so precarious and tenuous by nature, so maybe there’s something he can do to educate college kids about the consequences of their actions – that includes letting women out there know that false accusations can lead to seven years of jail time for something that they might otherwise think is a fleeting way to get attention. On the flip-side, he could also talk about how date-rape is all too often unreported. There has to be a common ground – where justice is served, but not at the expense of innocents, like Jordan – and perhaps he’s the one to lead the cause, maybe even in how these cases are handled in the courts. It sounds like in appealing his conviction, he’s starting the process.
You’re so right that anger, when channeled in a healthy, productive way, can lead to good things. I am pretty confident that Jordan will do some kind of work to make a positive impact on people’s lives. Thank you, Erin, for getting behind this series and re-posting it on Facebook. You are awesome!
The one thing that strikes me is that he will have to be a registered sex offender for his whole life unless he gets justice and the sentence overthrown. He knows this and is not obsessing about it. He is doing what needs to be done and I hope he keeps fighting until it is.
No one can give him back the days he spent in prison. I am glad he is able to leave it behind and look forward. I was about to write that I don’t know if I could be so calm. I KNOW I could not.
Jordan, remember the words of Paul Wellstone: “Stand up! Keep fighting!” A lot of people are on your side.
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Thanks for your thoughtful words, Suta. I’m sure that it does help to know that he has people who he hasn’t even met on his side.
Emma, good writings. I enjoyed reading!
Thanks, Luke! It’s been fun to connect here with fellow Northfielders!
Thanks for writing these posts Emma. As one of the people reading this who knew the story since it happened, it is nice to see Jordan add a little commentary to what I already basically knew.
In the end I beleive that those who know him have never beleived there was guilt. It has just been frustrating to have to watch from the sidelines as it played out. Hopefully there is another chapter to write after a successful appeal.
Thanks, brother! Jordan told me that he remembers getting a letter from you in prison. I will most certainly update my readers after a successful appeal!
Christians try hard to be about grace, but there are other ideas that may go along with it, or maybe work just fine on their own, namely – karma.
In the end, I think we will reap what we’ve sown, and we certainly will along the way, grace or not. Throughout, Jordan has managed to sow positive seeds, often in the face of unspeakably weird stuff, in the courts, and in prison.
Plenty of others sow negative seeds. Sowing negative seeds hurts others for sure, but, constantly thinking and doing negative things also leads to a long, dark life of your own. Each has its own vibe, and we’re constantly immersed in whichever ones we’ve sown.
I don’t really hope for anything bad for the accuser, although I couldn’t always say that. Luckily, we don’t have to anyway, as she’s done it to herself and probably still is.
Both have a lot to overcome, but it’s always easier if you are looking up instead of down.
I definitely believe in the power of putting good things–deeds, thoughts, vibes–out into the universe. Not for the sake of getting anything in return, but because it’s the right thing to do. As someone who can be prone to pessimism at times, this is something I am constantly working on! Jordan is definitely an inspiration in this regard.
Wow. I am just getting around to reading these and they are indeed, powerful. The part about him wanting to apologize yet not having done anything wrong gets me…but it’s so true. That would be my reaction as well, even if it wasn’t anything I did. I feel badly for what has happened but I hope he is able to move forward the best he can, as he already seems to be. Grateful to be free, alive, and healthy.
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Thanks for your comment, Jolene. It’s seems like it would be hard to be grateful under such circumstances, but I think he truly is!
Emma – thank you for these well-written posts. My heart goes out to Jordan. I think it would be so hard not to bitter and angry. How do get past the feeling of wasting all those years, of having part of your life stolen? I hope he’s successful in getting his innocence declared and making it to the Olympic team.
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I was floored when I heard your story. My heart broke for you as I cried. What a crazy injustice how one person’s lie could ruin a great hopeful athlete’s dreams. I, too, have a wrestler whose story is almost indentical. As a juvenile, he never served prison time, but the accuser was a family member. This monster was not satisfied with attacking a family member nor our decision to plea and put this behind us. Instead, he created flyers and mailed to each of our neighbors (exaggerating the situation and adding more horrific acts -all lies.) Then called the principal and handed out fliers on the 1st day of school- which got my son expelled. Then he contacted his wrestling assocaition who denied him membership. His wrestling coaches and his wrestling family have been the most supportive and understanding family he has. Jordan’s story gives me hope to teach him the courage and strength he’ll need to get through this chapter of his life. Also, I will remind him to remember the words of Paul Wellstone: “Stand up! Keep fighting!” A lot of people are on your side.
I can’t imagine that I could say anything more than anyone else already has. It always boggles my mind how some of this goes down. Good Luck, Jordan and God Bless!
“It’s choice – not chance – that determines your destiny.”