Minnesota has had one hell of a snowy December, and technically, winter doesn’t even start until tomorrow. Don’t get me wrong—I love the snow. In fact, you may recall that my previous post about tromping around in it was called “Energized and at Peace.” Well, I wasn’t feeling particularly energized or peaceful this evening.
My typical commute on Mondays is to drive about fifteen minutes to pick up Linnea and then to make the same trip home. Even with some chatting about her day in between, the round trip takes about 45 minutes. Well, a couple of weeks ago, during the last big storm, it took 2 hours and 15 minutes. Linnea was sick, and by the time we got home, she had a fever of 103.8. Miserable.
So when it started to snow today, I watched the freeway warily from the window in our office building. By 3:00 this afternoon, traffic was virtually stopped. I knew it was going to be bad, and I tried to brace myself, but wow. It took me 45 minutes to get some gas and get onto the highway—something that would typically take 5 minutes, 10 tops. I talked to Josh and my mom a few times, and Mom insisted on meeting me half way.
I say that I “talked” to Josh and Mom, but really, I ranted. Nothing is more infuriating to me than sitting in traffic, especially when my daughter is waiting. Living in Minnesota, I should be mentally prepared for this sort of thing. I should take it in stride, put on some Christmas music, and chill out. But no.
I know it’s a waste of emotional energy, but being stuck on an icy parking lot of a highway makes me C-R-A-Z-Y. Tonight, I found myself thinking that it’s too bad I couldn’t channel that energy into a track meet or something. Bring on the 800 meters—it’s a commuting mother gone berserk!
An hour and twenty minutes after I left work, I arrived at our typical half-way meeting place, which happens to be a fantastic pizza place. So I called Mom, who was still stuck on the highway, and asked if I could pleeeeease buy her a takeout pizza for her trouble. She agreed to a personal pizza, but I ordered a big one anyway because Mom sometimes seems to forget to feed herself, and I knew she’d eat the leftovers.
When Mom arrived with Linnea, she reported that the highway was pretty much stopped in both directions and suggested that we all go inside to eat the pizza. I wanted to get back on the road, to keep pushing ahead, inch by painful inch. I’m a very determined person, and I have a tendency to charge on, even when it doesn’t make that much sense.
So, in uncharacteristic form, I changed my plan. We got some crayons and paper for Linnea and settled into the booth of our choice in the near-empty restaurant. Soon, we were happily devouring thick slices of saucy deep-dish. Linnea ate little squares with her fingers, paying special attention to the black olives and green peppers. Mom and I talked and talked, and soon I realized that if we didn’t leave soon, we wouldn’t make it home for Linnea’s bedtime.
We’d been in the pizza place for so long that rush hour was over. Linnea and I hopped in the car, put on some “Love Train” (still her favorite song), and zoomed home at a brisk 35 miles per hour. We were home in 15 minutes, and I didn’t feel a hint of road rage. Josh had shoveled the driveway and there was a stack of holiday cards waiting in the mailbox.
In the span of a few hours, I’d gone from losing my mind to letting go, and it felt wonderful. My pizzeria-inspired perspective made me think of something that yogi Baron Baptiste says in one of his videos: “Don’t try hard, try easy.” Damn, that’s good advice. I only wish I would take it more often.
*****
I Want to Know
-Do you tend to “try hard” too often, or are you good at keeping things in perspective and “trying easy”?
-Are you prone to road rage?
-Do you have any advice (aside from stopping for pizza) for managing commuter angst?
Oddly enough I have worse road rage when I have someone in the car with me than when I don’t. Mainly because since my radio got stolen I haven’t gotten a replacement and as such listen to all podcasts on earphones. Which is rude to do when you’re riding with someone.
Oh, dear. Not having a radio would definitely make driving a lot less pleasant! How unfortunate that it was stolen!
The podcasts I listen to are on either http://smodcast.com/ or http://www.simplysyndicated.com/. The SModcast network is from the director Kevin Smith and his friends – and as such is very foul-mouthed and crude. But very funny and interesting. One of the shows is called “Jay and Silent Bob Get Old” and the first few episodes were about how much of an addict Jason Mewes was and the things he used to do and sort of an examination on why he was addicted and how Kevin enabled him for quite some time. The newest one on the SModcast network that I like is “SMoviemakers” where Kevin talks to different moviemaker friends of his. So far he’s done Richard Kelly (Donnie Darko) and Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead).
On the Simply Syndicated network all the podcasters (well, most) are from the Leeds area. Some really interesting shows. “Hooked” is a podcast put on by two drugs workers (harm reduction specialists) and each episode they examine a different aspect of a drug and how to make the risks with each drug less. Their flagship show is “Movies You Should See” and it’s exactly what it sounds like. It’s a movie review show but mainly of movies that are not out in theaters presently and can be found on home video. I love it. Puts a smile on my face.
I used to drive 29 miles into the sun going both ways, to work and home again. So I understand the frustration of a snowy commute. What made it worse after getting to work was having someone make a snide remark about living and working on both sides of the river.
Books on tape and cd are wonderful for commuting. Having a good story, read by a good reader help pass the time and provide entertainment and education. There is one caveat, pay attention to the road!
I’m glad you and Les had a nice time together.
Auntie Suta recently posted..Decreasing Holiday Stress
I’ve actually never tried a book on cd, but that’s a really good idea!
I get mad at being stuck in traffic. It was horrid last night. So as I’m sitting, stuck in traffic and not moving, I take a picture and post it to Facebook. Easy enough, I’m NOT MOVING. So a girl on Facebook updates her status saying that she can’t believe that in this weather people are taking pictures and on Facebook. I clearly know that she’s talking about me and I made a comment about how I wasn’t moving. I get Facebook rage as I think more about it (even as I’m thinking about it right now) and I deleted my post and removed her from my friends. That’s Facebook rage. She won’t be missed.
Spencer went Christmas shopping on his way home last night. Apparently a great night for it.
Oooh, I would have Facebook rage, too! I think it’s lame when people are passive-aggressive on Facebook. Hello–other people can figure out exactly who you’re talking about!!
Aww, so glad you were able to turn around the feelings into something happier!! My aunt and uncle live in MN and I’ve heard about all the snow and crap from them! Sucks! We had two inches – at most – yesterday and it took me TWO HOURS to drive home…ridiculous, since in New England, we oughtta be used to this, but clearly not, apparently
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Yeah, it seems like traffic just slows down under snowy conditions, no matter how experienced the drivers! I think that’s to be expected, but it’s amazing to me to what extent! Sorry you had a similar experience last night!
I am absolutely guilty of the “trying too hard” mentality.
If I want it to be, it will be, right? Even if I have to force it and am miserable trying.
Great perspective…as always.
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An oldy but goody – “The harder I try, the behinder I get.” This shows up in a variety of ways, and I’ve never seen an attribution. There’s no question it’s true.
We see the baseball player who comes to the plate and takes ferocious swings with little impact. Same, but maybe more apparent, in golf. Maybe the greatest sprint coach in American track and field history, Bud Winter, used to work his athletes daily on relaxation of every muscle that wasn’t generating speed. Just a facial grimace – almost expected of sprinters today – cuts efficiency and so speed. Winter worked with guys like Tommie Smith on facial relaxation every day and so Smith looked almost effortless as he came off the turn in the 200 and accelerated as everyone else was trying to hold off deceleration. He looked smooth and was SO fast because he was trying easy instead of hard. The runners called it “fish face”, maybe because a fish can’t grimace.
In almost anything we do, if things aren’t just right and we have to try to force them, they never work out as well as when things flow. It only took me a while to be able to relax and change the plan, or try again later, if I have to force it. Now we say that at an early point in your analysis, any decision is better than no decision. Use your information and make the best decision you can. if it doesn’t work out, dust your self off and make the next best decision. For most of us, no lives will be lost if we have to step back and take another stab, and, there should be no shame in taking that approach.
Maybe it’s more shameful to force things that just aren’t working out of stubbornness!
Should be, “…it took me a while”, not “it only took me a while”, it was HARD learning to relax and enjoy it!
so… what is the pizza place??
Nothing top secret.
Davanni’s. Josh, Linnea, and I love the veggie deep dish. Sauce on top. Yum.
I rarely get road rage, but I’ve been known to get road FEAR. If I can feel my car losing control and I’m afraid of sliding off the road or skidding through an intersection (and into another car) I’m a nervous wreck. What a great resolution of the problem…pizza with Mom and a clear shot home. Timing is everything!
BLissed-Out Grandma recently posted..If my pill box says T it must be Tuesday
I get scared out there, too! I don’t usually mind taking it slow, in fact, as long as “slow” isn’t 3 mph! Timing IS everything!
wow, i like that baptiste quote! my husband stood at his bus stop for 40 minutes before one finally came by, but it was so full that they weren’t letting anyone on. and this is a bus that goes by every 5-10 min during rush hour. so i told him to walk to the nearest eatery and i’d come get him. well, in the time that i went to get him and bring him back, we saw three busses of his. two were going in the wrong direction and the other was also full. i wonder if i ever would have seen him again!
i am prone to road rage. i hate feeling inefficient. i tend to take side roads. i’d rather go slowly on side roads or stop every block for a stop sign, than to crawl or not move on a road that’s supposed to be fast. it may not be faster in the end, but at least i feel like it is.
You totally hit the nail on the head. I HATE feeling inefficient, too. I’m glad that you were able to rescue your husband!
i am a total road rager. it’s not my finest quality. i agree that side routes are best when available. i much prefer adding a few miles to my commute if i’m moving rather than sitting still on the most “direct” route. other than that, it’s lots of deep breaths and telling myself “i’ll get there when i get there” over and over. i think it’s great you decided to stop off and relax with your mom rather than prolong the frustration. well-played, emma!
Yeah, a few weeks ago, during the BIG snow, I tried taking the side streets after I nearly lost my mind on the highway. It was quite possibly worse! But I have no patience, so at least I felt like I was trying to be crafty.