Sometime in my teen years, I found an apt way to describe the emotional tailspins in which I would often find myself—”feeling impossible.” And my parents agreed. In fact, they embraced the term wholeheartedly, and to this day, they will suggest that perhaps I’m simply feeling impossible. Not sure whether you’ve ever experienced what I’m talking about?
To me, feeling impossible is a few parts indecision (nothing could make me happy right now), a few parts physical malaise (maybe an ache, a pain, or a huge zit), a few parts agitation (you people are bugging the shit out of me, and I have no idea why), and a good deal of sheer pathetic-ness (not a real word). Oh, and throw in a dash of surliness to round things out.
Well, I always wondered if this was a normal thing—it’s not like most people walk around showing everyone their crazy factor. No, must of us save this sort of delightful behavior for our nearest and dearest—the people who we know can take it. The people who won’t run away screaming.
So, I must admit, I was a bit relieved to learn recently that most likely, I come by this quite naturally. You see, my dear daughter, at just twenty months, is already a master, and I don’t believe anyone has taught her. Hell, I don’t have time to feel impossible anymore. If I feel a bout coming on, I try to rechannel my bad energy into my writing or talk Josh into going to bed early with me. Ahem.
How do I know that Linnea shows such promise for feeling impossible? Oh, it’s pretty clear. For example, last night, when we got in the car to go home, she started shouting, “Bananaphone!” She was referring to a favorite Putumayo CD full of fun kids’ songs, including a Rhonda Vincent cover of Raffi’s catchy tune. I regularly walk around with “Operator, get me Bei-jing, -jing, -jing” in my head. But I digress.
So as soon as I put on Track 2 for Linnea—after maybe three bars of the song—she started howling, “Nooooooo! No Bananaphone!” So I turned off the music altogether, and she screeched even louder. She desperately started throwing out other song titles—almost like a question. “Sunshine? Sunshine?” Like maybe, just maybe, “You Are My Sunshine” would actually make her happy. So I found Track 11. More of the same. Next, we moved on to “Love Train.”
It cracks me up, by the way, to hear a toddler shouting, “Love Train!” Cracks me up and makes me fear for her college years.
In the end, we turned off the CD and just sang some “How I” (her name for “Twinkle, Twinkle”), and she settled down enough to make the drive bearable. As soon as we got close to home, we started talking about seeing Daddy, Jack, Juna, and “Turtle Man” (we have one of those child safety signs in the yard), and her little brain started to come back to a happy place. But the worst thing about dealing with someone with a penchant for feeling impossible—oneself included—is that you never can tell when a bout might strike.
So, dear readers, I wish you a day of feeling quite possible and sane, but should you encounter someone exhibiting said ridiculous behavior, it’s best to let them work it out. Or maybe offer them a hot fudge sundae or a back rub. It’s the Golden Rule of Feeling Impossible—nobody wants to be lectured or told to snap out of it (toddlers included). So, when you’re on the receiving end of the impossibility, think about what might help you under similar circumstances. An impromptu dance party? A walk in the fresh air? Maybe a movie and some popcorn?
I’m not offering this advice as a parenting expert, as I am relatively inexperienced. However, I do consider myself quite the master of feeling impossible, and I’m pleased to report that I feel that way less and less as my life comes more into line with what I really want. This is not to say, however, that I’m entirely above wanting to lie down on the living room floor and just moan for a good half hour. But like I said—I don’t have time for that.
*****
I Want to Know:
Do you ever feel impossible?
What helps you turn things around?
Ahhh, but you forgot Emma, in order to bring out the fullness of impossible, one must have a foil, or maybe codependent. Without your codependent what could be impossible is merely pathetic.
Without someone like me to be saying, “Come on Emma, get over it and let’s do…”, whatever, the pathetic one doesn’t have anyone to get frustrated with and shout, “I don’t know what I want, just leave me alone!”
Or, “NO BANANAPHONE!”
See, no foil, no “NO SUNSHINE!”
While Emma perfected and personfies impossible, she’d be nothing without me, me, who never figured out when to let it go until maybe the last year or two.
So, Emma, I hope you figure it out sooner than I did. You may be unique in that you are both impossible from time to time, and, Linnie’s foil.
Yeah, I definitely need to avoid enabling the little darling.
That’s what we call the terrible twos.
Example: Holden’s crying. Me: Do you want me to stay here? H: No!! Me: Do you want me to leave? H: No!!
Example 2: Holden: I want Dora! (I turn on Dora.) I don’t want Dora! I don’t like Dora!
It leaves me scratching my head every time.
Oh, dear. We’re still four months away from two!
Aaaahhhhh….. IMPOSSIBLE!!!! As you know I often feel that way as well… I think that the best thing to do is to eat good food or have fun – for example (and I know that these work with you…): peanut butter rice crispie treats and dance parties with Justin Timberlake. The thing that works best for me is to have a “treat” whether it is a special something to eat or some new lipgloss or even just a walk around my favorite fancy grocery store – just something that I like… Even better if someone else surprises me with a treat. I’ve talked to some friends and not all of them know/understand what I’m talking about – I thought this was universal! But maybe we’re just the lucky ones
Yes! Peanut butter rice crispie treats and dancies parties with JT make me happy. Sometimes I just like to wander around Target, too.
“It’s the Golden Rule of Feeling Impossible—nobody wants to be lectured or told to snap out of it.”
amen.
as for feeling what you call impossible: http://bit.ly/bRnQ8i. how do i fix it? usually, i take a drive, listen to some good tunes and scream until i can’t anymore. or i go watch a movie. or i go to sleep.
c.c. recently posted..twelve- thirteen and fifteen
I checked out your post, and yes, you get it.
Emma, it’s so wonderful that you are enjoying the impossible in Linnea and coming to terms with your own. I still have my moments (like snapping at the check-out boy for bagging my groceries like a moron). But in the past I would’ve beaten myself up for being a jerk and now I just accept those moments of impossibility and laugh, come home and make pumpkin muffins. It all comes out ok in the wash and most of the time I’m not half as impossible as I used to be
xo Mary Jo
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I know–I’m hoping that it continues to get better with age!
Maybe the remedy to when there is a “little surliness thrown in” is to…throw a little Surly in? It’s a play on words. Hot damn I’m clever.
Yes, when you’re feeling impossible, Josh, you can throw in a little Surly (yummy beer, for those of you who aren’t from around these parts). However, I’m not sure that will help your toddler or your pregnant wife!
Feeling impossible is absolutely the perfect way to describe it! I feel this way often; especially as the weather transitions to dark, gray, and cold. I haven’t really found good/effective ways to break out of it except to just not give in to it. Sorta like I will myself NOT to feel impossible. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn’t. When it doesn’t, I try to find time to take a good long nap, and that usually does the trick!
Absolutely! I am very familiar with Feeling Impossible (today, in fact, several times!) and you describe it well! What a funny and enlightening scene with Linnea and the car music — ha ha!
Kristin recently posted..Our daily routines- the Good and the Challenging
That’s a good reminder…nobody wants to be lectured when feeling this way. I feel this way less often, thanks to Zoloft. But when the grandkids seem to be feeling impossible, I will think in terms of a backrub or some sort of equivalent!
BLissed-Out Grandma recently posted..The countdown continues
I am glad that Zoloft works for you! Nobody should have to feel that way very often!
Oh, I loved this post! So that’s what those bouts are…impossibleness? I get them all the time! Sometimes the weight of all my dreams just crashes down on me and then I try to push them back on my shoulders and carry on.
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